Is your Girlfriend going psycho?

Answer these questions ---->

1) When she comes round to your flat, does she go to the phone and hit the redial button to see whom you were talking to before she arrived?

2)When you tell her you're going for a boys' night out, does she turn up at your favourite nightspot a couple of hours later "by coincidence" just to see if you were telling the truth?

3)Have you ever caught her going through your trouser pockets?

4)Or counting the number of condoms left in the bathroom cabinet?

5)Does she call your ex-girlfriend "that bitch", even though she's never met her?

6)Has she ever bought a cat and insisted on calling it "our cat", even though you hate the flea-ridden, antisocial furball, and wish you'd got a dog instead?

7)Has she ever complained that she's broke, only to come home with several shopping bags full of new clothes because "it made me feel better"?

8)Has she ever bought an item of clothing for over R1 000 and only worn it once?

9)Does she leave copies of wedding magazines on the coffee table?

10)Has she discussed what you'd call your children, even though you've only been going out a short while?

11)Does she own more than ten pair of shoes?

12)Has she ever asked you if something she's wearing makes her look "fat"?

13)Does she get angry if you dont cuddle her after sex?

14)When her friends pop around, does she make you join in their absurd, gossipy coversation?

15)And yet, when you say your friends are coming round, does she tut disapprovingly and moan about how they "lead you astray" and how they dont like her?

16)Does she celebrate the anniversary of your first meeting?

17)Has she insisted that you remove any sexy posters or calendars from your wall?

18)Does she burst into tears or get overemotional during soppy films like Sleepless In Seattle?

19)Would she cry/throw a sulk if you forgot to send her a Valentine's card?

20)Has she read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, or any other self-helping books?

Scores:

0 to 7: Relax - for a women, your girlfriend is surprisingly well balanced.She's happy just to see you for friendly,recreational sex, ands she has no devious long term plans tp "change you". However, if you've only just started going out with her, do this test again in six months' time, because a very different creature may be sleeping under your duvet...

8 to 14 The claws are starting to dig in. You've probably had a few fall-outs, and it takes ages before she's forgiving enough to let you put an arm round her shoulder. To keep her happy, and stop her developing into a full-blown loon, it's essential that you start sharpening up you act. Make a note of birthdays and anniversaries, pretend to laugh at her pal's jokes, ask her if she's lost weight, and never, ever,mention your ex's name. If it gets worse, dump her before she gets too mental.

15 to 20 You're like a man who's stepped into a bear trap.But be tough, because although the slaps and screams and months of phonecalls will hurt for a bit, they're better than the alternative: staying with her. Do that, and you might as well have your balls mounted and put above her mantelpiece, because she's going to make the rest of your life an impotent misery.

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